What is left?

When all the walls have been broken down
When we lose our trust in each other
What is there left in this?

Promises that were supposed to be kept like an oath, was gone in an instant

But the thing is, it could of been avoided.
I'm not going to say one or the other was right, but both of us was at fault for several things. They say i'm very vulnerable. And i trust people too easily. Yes i've fallen into their traps many times. But never this hard. I never knew that the person you're most close to, can turn against you. Thus, creating conflict for the both of you. I know i'm not perfect and i knew from the start. That's why i always question people if they really do want to get to know me, because i'm full of trouble-whether i like it or not. I don't like hurting people, but even though i try to distant myself away. I always end up hurting them. But the key point in this, is i try not to get close to people. I create a wall. I'd rather be a loner then to have a lot of friends and hurting them in the end.

But i met someone, who slowly made me open up. What i've been creating for many years to keep myself from getting hurt again, was  all breaking down. I had a new light in my path. I had faith and trusted everything he said to me. I literally gave my life line to him.  But i never knew, he would hurt me in the end. Self-conciously or not, the pain i didn't want to feel, the hurt i've tried to hide...started all over again. But this is my life. Always filled with unfortunate events. And i know, i have to live with it for the rest of my life.

Honestly, i think he doesn't deserve any of this. To have to deal with the same crap as me is just not fair. So i really do wonder, if only he can meet someone else, better then me. To make him smile. And not hurting. I know he's getting sick of it and probably thinks i'm always troublesome but doesn't tell me. I don't want him to feel that. I know he can't handle something like this, that is so intense-no one can. So i rather let myself hurt alone rather then bringing other people down.

*Sour apple porcupine* if you are reading this, then please accept my apology. But i think you've had enough of this chaos. I'm sorry if i ever got you involved. And i know you're not giving up. But please, do what is best for you. Do what would make you happier. All i ever wanted is for you to be happy and become a better person. But i think i've pushed you too hard. I know all your friends hate me and even think this is all of my fault. Though i'm not happy about it, but hey, they're your friends and i know they'll always look out for you. It's fine with me. This happened once too many times in the past and i'm used to getting all the blame. But if it makes you feel even a bit at ease to have your friends look out for you, then it's okay. Because in the end, i just want you to be worry-free and not having to deal with this crap. I don't mind looking like the bad guy here, you can take all the blame on me and it's fine. I'm not going to blame you for anything. That's all i wanted to say...