Because i listened to my heartbeat...

That feeling when you love him...but he didn't know you were hurting
Now that you're moving on...he doesn't want to let you go
It hurts. The feeling. You love him, but hate him at the same time. You want him to know how you're feeling but he doesn't act rationally. In the end, it created a bigger mess. Causing pain for both you and him. You don't want it to end but it slowly eats you. He said he'll never give up on you, but he already broke that promise when he was foolish enough to leave you alone when you needed him the most. He said he loves you, but it doesn't prove a thing by just using words, and causing pain with his actions.

He doesn't know, or maybe he does. But he doesn't want to admit it. You've tried to play his games, watch his moves and follow along. But how can you when he's too far into the game to even know you were so far behind. By now he's starting to lose you. s.l.o.w.l.y... he's losing you. Because you've waited for him to step up his games like he stated with his words. But now it's all turning into lies to you. Months later he's back to his normal self. You can't change that. You're not him. Don't ever think you're worth it, because if you were...he would of changed instantly without hesitating. You've ran away for many reasons but 90% of it was because you love him too much and wanted to be with him...willing to risk everything you went after him. You refused to transfer schools for him, snuck out for him. You might not have the fortune like he does but you've cared enough to give him everything of you. You've tried making him happy. Asked him for a date and he turned up looking half amused. You tried making him smile but he's just getting bored. You made plans to go find a job at YD and for that date with him...but you went an hour early to hand in as many resumes as you can to spend the rest of the time with your "date". In the end it didn't turn out well...you've tried prettying up yourself for him, staying happy when the night before you were having a hell of a headache. No he didn't praise you for having a pretty smile or anything. He didn't seem amused. All he came up with was "your bra is visible". You tried to start up a topic and keep it going. He gives you a "i dunno. ask them." You tried to spend more time with him and he pushes you into a store telling you to "just GO. TALK" as if he's talking to a toddler when the parent is mad..or even shooing a dog away. He doesn't mean it that way...but sometimes you just feel like you're his b*tch..when he "asks" you to do this and that..or pressures you into doing something repetitively without even knowing... it's like that time...when a guy puts on a condom..but puts it the wrong way...turns it around and puts it back on..then asks the girl for a bj...what's the point of having a condom when the whole point was to be safe and not catch anything...the tip of the condom touched his junk..yet he still continued to "ask" the girl to suck it. Sorry but that requires no brain for that...and then when she refused continuously he said "what a waste of it.." . He promised you a lot of things, but as always you were used to getting broken promises from so many people that with him..it's just another lie to the list. Your cousin tells you how he misses you and when you move in with him he'll cook everything and do everything for you...and all you need to worry is stay fat and happy. You knew it was too good to be true. You moved in with him for a couple hours...you've been having second thoughts about leaving home but wanted to be with him..but you needed warmth and comfort from him when you see him..you lugged about 80 pounds of things with you by foot to his place. Tired but happy to see him, you felt relaxed...but then you had to unpack everything...and tidy up...and even help him clean up his things. You're tired, but happy to see him. You love him so you didn't mind helping out even when you felt dead. Now for a real guy like your cousin said..he would of helped you do everything himself. And all you had to do is sleep off the hurt you were carrying when you left your parents. But you didn't so as you cleaned, you got sadder. So when your parents called you...you snapped out of it. All he could do is helplessly cry...and didn't want to face your parents so he didn't help you with all the luggage upstairs. So you dad sees you..he asks why didn't "HE" help you carry? Dad is a guy too..and he was very understanding with situations. He knew "HE" was not himself so he couldn't face your parents. But a real man would of faced your parents no matter what. The look on dad's face, he was disappointed. He likes "him" but after seeing how "turtled up" the "guy" was...he didn't fancy "him" much.
Seriously.
Now you wonder if you love him...or not...
You try to make him happy
But sometimes he puts him before you. (without knowing so...) and it hurts sometimes...to see that he puts "intimate love" before you.

You've tried to communicate with him every time to work things out..but he always...misses the big picture..then when he finds out his mistake..its either too late...or he fixes it..and then goes back to his original self days..or even hours later...
Then you tell him to be more reasonable and mature and he agrees...yet you can tell he's still acting like a child. Not getting what he wants...he starts to tear up...and it hurts you inside..seeing that if he's like this..how can he really help you when you're hurting...
when you ask him how his day was and he didn't have to do anything..or feeling lonely..what does he do..all he does is sleep in. Now within that time, he could of done a lot of things. You're working your butt off trying to get a license so you can help your parents with the driving... and when you feel lonely..you still have to wake up early and clean up and everything and put on a happy face...because a real woman needs to be strong for her family. A man needs to do the same....he has it easier then you..so seeing how he sleeps in till when ever and saying his day is boring..you just feel like smacking him..because you know he could be doing so many things...but he's just putting them off till later on...and on..and on..but you didn't say anything because he wouldn't do it...and it's his own life...

Time is needed for people to change...but not like this.
At this point...at this moment...you've started to give up.
You want out of it.
he's not going to change
you can't live with his lifestyle
it's not working out
All of this happened because you...because i listened to my heartbeat.