:(

These past few days had been rough
Hands are always cold without your warmth
No one to give a full meaningful hug too
My appetite's been decreasing each day
My sleeping habits consists of waking up, knowing that my nightmares has become a reality
Knowing that things might just not be the same anymore...
I'm scared
I don't have you near me
I'm scared.
No one else can substitute this feeling.

I want you to love me for my personality. Not sex.
You hurt me bad. Really bad.

Sure let them tease about this all they want. It's just making 1 step closer to moving off a cliff.

Why does this bring me back to the past. Seems so familiar...a dark secret i've been trying to avoid. The reason to why i don't trust men that easily...

Lost & Gone

I don't want to believe it

Not one word

I try to push all thoughts away

But i'm only hurting myself

I've been through this too many times

No more, i can't take it anymore

I am done, smoking gun
We've lost it all, the love is gone
She has won. Now it's no fun
We've lost it all, the love is gone

And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself

I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We found our life's been changed
Babe, you lost me

And we tried, oh how we cried
We lost ourselves, the love has died
And oh, we tried, you can't deny
We're left as shells, we lost the fight

I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We found our life's been changed
Babe, you lost me

Now I know you're sorry and we were sweet
But you chose lust when you deceived me
You'll regret it but it's too late
How can I ever trust you again?

Let's sail away to a wondrous place
Where there's serenity
Forget about the surroundings
Remove all the thoughts of pain
And just relax~

Pin

It hurts
But i want you to sleep
It's not your fault...nothing really can make me smile lately...
I'm just holding onto this last speck of hope just for the sake of us...
I love you but i don't want to drag you in this.

I'd rather have you eat, sleep, smile cause you can ^^
So i can see why i'm still holding on. And not giving up...
I don't know why i'm sad
I don't know why i cry
I'm just holding onto what i got left.
For the sake of us.

Reboot

Drunk

She steps on everyone's hopes
She crushed them one by one
She swears she's not a whore
But she was playing dirty games with his mind

Revenge

Sweet sorrow, i shall avenge for your ways
Remorse was all i felt
Hurt and deceived
I promise i'll find a way to get you out of my mind

Time

I can't eat nor sleep nor walk nor talk
I can't focus or play or sing...even dance
I can't seem to find a way to keep me happy
I've reached rock bottom, and only time can give me an answer
I shall wait, for my next move.

Redwine~

If that's what you get mad over...then seriously...it means you don't trust me at all.

We're just friends but you make it seem like something's up. What the hell.

I'm fed up with this. If this is what gets you upset, then wait till what she's gonna do to me.

I needa place to chill
a time to hang
some girls to talk
and the club to start
let's get it down
lets raise up the roof
show em what we got
cause im about to explode.

Finale. Act 1 Scene 3.

It hurts.
I'm sorry.
It hurts.
I need to let you go.
I'm sorry.
Good bye.

Finale. Act 1 Scene 2.

You had had had me running around
Going around in circles
Making me go insane
So that i can't take it anymore
You had me once once once
Now it's time for me to leave
I'm done with your games
Your lies
The epiphany of life that i once had
Now gone wasted along with your damned heart
Shut shut shut it
I don't wanna hear another word from you
Your grin and stares - they're nothing but scary
I hate every move you make
I hate every look they give me when you dare play your move
Stop stop stop it
It's not your life
I want it back
Let's end this nonsense while we still have the chance
I'm tired tired tired
I've tried tried tried
I'm done.

Teardrops in the Rain

No one ever sees, no one feels the pain
Teadrops in the rain

I wish upon a star, I wonder where you are
I wish you're coming back to me again
And everything's the same like it used to be

I see the days go by and still I wonder why
I wonder why it has to be this way
Why can't I have you here just like it used to be

I don't know which way to choose
How can I find a way to go on ?
I don't know if I can go on without you :\


Even if my heart's still beating just for you
I really know you are not feeling like I do
And even if the sun is shining over me
How come I still freeze ?
No one ever sees, no one feels the pain
I shed teardrops in the rain

I wish that I could fly, I wonder what you say
I wish you're flying back to me again
Hope everything's the same like it used to be

I don't know which way to choose
How can I find a way to go on
I don't know if I can go on without you, without you

Even if my heart's still beating just for you
I really know you are not feeling like I do
And even if the sun is shining over me
How come I still freeze ?
No one ever sees, no one feels the pain
I shed teardrops in the rain~

Lost Soul

I'm lost

I'm wandering around 

I'm helpless

I don't know what to do

Please guild me

I'm lingering onto so little of what i have left

Help? Please? Anyone?

Fallen

Hidden beneath the surface,

I'm the angel you once knew, now falling down

I'm the voice inside our minds

Now becoming as one

What once was there, is now fading from reality

The hope you once knew, 

Now crumbled and used

That light you had followed

Dimming down with the ashes

Feeling so distant

Can't bring myself back up

I have fallen

And this time i'm staying

I won't get back up, i'll admit defeat

Let the devil herself take me away

But never can she steal the happiness inside my heart

Because that's where it'll always stay

Along with the love i've cherished for so long

Bearing it with me

But i have fallen

This is what i was given. . .

Sunny Mornings

Sitting here at my desk & reading a 654 page book,

i start to wonder, is it really worth it?

The joyful memories turning bitter and sour

I stood back and thought to myself "why am i here? why am i still trying?"

For you see, i seem to have lose my identity some time back in dec of 09. Now i'm just moving through each day hoping for the best to happen

There are days when i do really wanna just stop and give up

Other days where i don't wanna stop

And on most day's i'd be lost and confused

So i decided to move on and looked for what i wanted for a long time

But it wasn't there

I got back to my senses and decided to just leave it is for now. No point to rush

Just let it go with the flow~

Victim of a Psychopath

Aggression

He was loud, scary, and fearful
He couldn't hold in his angry
Crazy and psychotic... i moved away from him

Hostility

He got mad and shoved me against the hard surface of a wall

I'm scared

He held onto me and screamed 

I didn't know what he was saying but i was scared

He's hurting me

Pain

It was only for a couple of seconds, maybe a few minutes of pain

Bystanders tried to pull him away

He yelled and threatened to hurt anyone else if they get in the way

I'm scared, i didn't feel the pain

Help

They took him away

He was a psychopath

And i was left choking away the pain

I was scared

and he was crazy.

Fear

When i touch it, it hurts

When i look in the mirror it hurts

Crazy old man...

Now i'm scared to sleep >_<

LOVE

I miss it.
YOU
I miss it.
HUG
I miss it.
KISS
I miss it.
SMILE
I miss it
LAUGH
I miss it
CARE
I miss it
PAIN
I want to live without.
SORROW
No need for anymore.
TIME
I want it to freeze.
US
I want need it forever
GOOD BYE
I can never say it.

Lose my mind

I'm about to lose my mind
You've been gone for so long
I'm running out of time
I need a doctor
Call me a doctor
I need a doctor, doctor
To bring me back to life ~


I want it back, i want my life back
The happiness with you
I want it back
I won't let you go, i can't let you go
Going back to the past
Happy memories
Bring me back to life~

Miffy :x hehe

I can't sleep hahaha  Looking through the list of friends to talk to. 17 online, 10/17 i talk to. 8 out of that ten are busy. 2 left. LOL i have the choice of talking to either a guy who always says "hello, how are you?" or a mole. Man do i needa find myself some new friends LMAO XD

So sad, even my dog got bored of me talking to him ;o.... grrrr why can't i find someone who will be willing to listen to my weird stories XD 

Well to whoever reads this, hello there :) What is the weirdest thing you've encountered? haha

Odd question, would you stop what you're doing right at the moment when a friend asks you something or talks to you? Or would you finish whatever you're doing first and then talk? haha. Even i don't know. For me, when my really close friends and people i love dearly calls out for me, i'd stop what ever it is i'm doing (unless its an important lab due 2 mins before its late or if someones dying...then i'd prob pretend to not hear you for 5 mins LOL) and respond to them ^^ Cause god knows when or if theres something wrong with them or they're just feeling really down and really need you to be there for them; and you continue to do what you're doing and not hear them out, they might drift away... i don't know, this is what i was taught from my parents and buddha. When someone calls out for you, don't ignore them. Cause i'm sure nothing else that you're doing is that important or crucial unless it's a matter of life and death ;o It'll just might hurt the person by putting other things in front of them. I've learned it the hard way ;o Cause then it means that they're not worth your time to even care for them, and whatever you're doing is more important than them lol.

But this is just me XD i'm always like this, putting others before me. Heck, i rmb one time when someone was hurt and wanted to talk to me, but i was allowed to hang out with other people that day (my parents are really strict and wouldn't let me hang out anyone after that, even if i chose to go or not that day). Instead, i stayed home to listen to her story and helped her out (she lives in a diff country) and even though i didn't know her that much, i still felt like i should be there to talk to her and cheer her up. Though i couldn't hang out with my friends that day, just knowing the fact that i've just helped someone when in need made me feel good inside ^^ and of course, i didn't regret it haha. Cause i know that i can go hang out with my friends in the future. But knowing someone is hurting or needed your help might come once in a while <3

Oh and i like miffy ^^ because miffy can't talk in the show, and she reminds me of me. When i speak out, i sometimes feel like no one is listening haha. It always happens ever since i was little XD but i'm used to it. ^^ Thus, i evolve into a very shy person haha. This is true ;o i don't tend to open up because i know its no point in trying to when sooner or later i'll get ignored XD but its okie ^^ i like being shy, and miffy is cute!

Hmm, i'm going to try and fall asleep again hehehe. Bai bai ~ P.S i know, this is such a random story but i'm just bored and i needed to tire myself out by writing and reading hahaha! Sorrie~

Yes,  i LOVE YOU you know who you are ^^ 

Cold

Who is that girl? I see her staring back at me. Her devilish smile mocks me. Everywhere i go, she follows. Everything i do, she does. It's scary. Stop following me.

She wants to take it all. I won't let her. She wants to hurt him. I won't let her. Choked up on words, i can't cry out for help. Go away,  i keep seeing her in my dreams. It's scaring me.

She does me no harm, but should i trust her? She's scary. I'm next to him, she appears. Reaching for him- i stopped her. Don't. Don't ever lay a finger on him.

Why... do you like to play with people's emotions? Don't steal him away from me. Don't hurt him. Hurt me instead.

I'll be your smile, i'll be your shadow. I'll listen to you. Just leave others out of this and you can have what you desire.

R-ain

-He Cares (8:00am)-

Slow day, slow morning. i moved towards the entrance of the bus when it reaches UTM Layby. I stopped. I don't know why. I stopped. The door closed and then it moved on. I found myself at South Common. " Why am i here?" i asked myself. " He'll be worried if he sees me like this now..." No. I don't want him to worry. I know he didn't get much sleep for the past few nights...always cramming. He needs his rest. It's not as bad here as i thought. Really quiet at eight in the morning here. Fewer foot steps walking by. Peaceful. I ended up at Wal-mart haha. Just walked around looking at random items. Oh look, kinder surprise. I see people staring at me. Do i really look that awful? Sure you don't normally see a student walking about so early in the morning for some candy, but hey...i'm not doing anything wrong. And if i happen to shed a few tears, i'll make sure not to spoil your merchandise.  It's nine something. I should call him. He'll be worried. Oh yay, he replied. I'm happy. A bit after, i don't know how but i managed to get to his dorm. I see him still sleeping in bed. His peaceful expression, i miss it. Laying by his side, i felt a whole lot better than staying out in the cold. His warmth and kindness gave me security. I miss his sweet kisses. He's waking up, damn, i can't let him see me like this...my tears are still there...i'll pretend to sleep. Praying to god he won't check on me. Please don't, please don't, i don't want you to worry. He brushed the hair off my face. Please...don't....he got up...and went on his computer. I let out a quiet sigh of relief. Thank god. I don't want him to worry. Especially when he has a test in 30 mins... 

-The Wait (11-00am)-

He just left, off to do his test. I just sat there on his chair, staring at the laptop screen...didn't feel like doing anything. Just kept refreshing the fb page...hmm when is my sister done...oh i miss her. I could really use a hug from her and him right now... But i must wait. Just an hour. I can hold on. 

-Leaving (2:50pm)-

I hate Thursdays. Always having to leave so early. At least he's busing with me today. I miss his comfort. Only a few weeks left until we depart from each other. The pain of separating even for a little while is saddening. I love seeing his warm smiles. It slows down and numb away the pain i have in my chest. His random comments are like love vitamins. Always helping me feel more at ease. I miss his strong hugs. He looks so calm and peaceful when he sleeps. His cute expressions reminds me of a little lost puppy. Maybe i should let him be and bus home alone. 

-Her Shadow ( 7:00pm)-

Looking out the cold glass windows

i can see my reflections. A bit hazy but still clear to me. Who is that girl staring back at me? I do not know her. An unfamiliar face with a well known expression. I can tell that look from just anywhere. Looking through her cold empty eyes, expressionless, tearful. You know she's hiding something but she's afraid to tell. Happy, happy i smiled back. No response. The drops of rain keeps hitting the window ever so slowly... motionless almost. And then you see it, a steady stream of water running down. No, it's not from the rain. It just won't stop. I asked myself what was wrong. Nothing. I don't know. The answer is unclear. It always was. She smiles back weakly. "Stay strong" she whispers. I am. At least i think i am.

This Song Fits My Mood so Perfectly. ^^

So hard to breath
My heart goes bump bump bump
Without a skipping beat
It hurts to love
But i choose to love
I don't regret it
If you were here with me
Maybe then will the pain go away

It hurts
This love
Without you it hurts

Black & Blue is the new in now? Wha? o.o

Black and blue, bruised all over

Now my finger snapped and cracked

Why the pain, why the burns

On my arms, scars of life

This is so not cool.

~

You may only be one person to the world
But you may also be the world to one person.

Please don't take that world away from me...

Empty Words

Only but a Dream~

Lying down on soft green grass
With light fragrance of waterlilies from the pond nearby
I see our reflections repeating through the waves of the spot we skipped rocks
Warm smiles spread throughout the air
I turn to you, for once we were speaking the same language
Soft, warm and caring
Wishing that it would never end
Everything seemed so perfectly fine
We danced, we sang, we played, we laughed, we cried-but of happiness
With just you and me, and me and you
It felt like we're so in place
Two minds binding into one
It was refreshing, the air
For once i felt so free and not being caged in

And then the shrill of ringing came in...
Wanting it to stop but it wouldn't
"no, just a little more time" we whispered together
But reality had to sink in,
For it is crueler than expected
And here i'd lay, alone without you by my side
Wanting to go back to what i've been longing...
I shut my eyes and opened...still only me

If only it was reality, you and me
Together and free
More and forever
If only

But for now, it is nothing more than a dream~

One minute One Second

For a minute, i'd want to embrace you
For a minute, i'd want to hear you tell me you love me
For a minute, i'd want the day to stop and not move on
For a minute, i just want the two of us happy and carefree
For a minute, i don't want to do anything but just take a long walk with you
No distractions
No disturbance
Just you and me
Soul and free

But within a second my hopes were too high
Within a second you moved along
Within a second things changed
Within a second, the day ended
Within a second, it was too much
Within that second, there was no us
So busy when i'm near
So far when i try to make room
No time anymore
I try to slow it down but it waits for no one
Sweet sorrow
Soft pain
Silent voice