There are things i cannot express
So i lay out my feelings on a dashboard
With a point i need to set
Monday, May 30, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Rewind Time: Love Another, Lose The Other
It's never easy to choose between the two.
They say that when you fall in love, it's hard to forget the person
Once you break up, you'd fall into one of the three categories:
1) You might find someone else completely different from your old lover
2) You might find someone else just like your old lover
3) You refuse to look at what's going wrong and keep getting back with your lover
For me...it took a while to find which of the categories i was in...
I'd like to tell a story.
Of course i had many crushes, they come and go
But as i grew up, i got more mature
I started to take things a bit more seriously
Here is the story.
In 5th grade i had a crush on a guy named Tony. He was sweet, funny and adorable. With his chubby cheeks and quirky personality. Others excluded him from the group, but i always took notice. Time passed by and i had to move. We never got a chance to say we liked each other.
Middle school came, and i had my eyes on a bad boy kinda type. The asian-wannabe type gangster. His name was also Tony. Being the shy that i am...i never confessed. Course, my bff had her eyes on him too...never knew till now though XD. Of course, being a cool guy he is...he liked another girl. So my chances was slim to none.
And then High school came. The time for new love, new pain, and bittersweet memories.
My first crush was my tutor. That was in 10th grade. He was funny and nerdy. Really nice guy. I finally got the guts to confess to him...only to get turned down (nicely though). But i was fine with it...or at least i thought i was...
A year after...i met a fob. My first impression of him...hard to say...it was a mix between motorcycle tough guy/ lost fisherman. Haha... and then...this is where the story got twisted... Me wanting to forget about my old tutor crush...and him wanting to forget his 1year love for my friend...got together. We didn't know each other's motives. Just wanted to past time and forget our old crushes. But time passed...and we grew to appreciate each other. I found him very funny and always giving his all. He came from a poor family, but never once did he complain about his hardships. I knew he was in pain so then...i lent him some strength. Someone he can cry on. Lean on. Depend on. He was fond of me, said i was really nice and always too caring for others. But soon...the guilt in his heart took over and had to call it quits...cause it was just gonna hurt the both of us. Course...the breakup was fine with me...but after that...it was painful. Our friendship (like he promised) broke apart. We saw each other as mere strangers.
Months later... i met HIM again. Him as in Tony. The first guy i liked, my first love. When we first laid eye contact with each other after so many years, it felt like time stopped. I was lost in a trance. Felt as if nothing has changed and i felt things i've never felt before. At first things were going smooth, i thought maybe just maybe ....this time i would confess to him. But before i did...he told me he moved on and found himself another girl. That's when my heart literally shattered into a million pieces.
So i made a promise to myself...I vowed to not fall so hard for the next guy i meet, and just use the time to enjoy life and not really take things seriously...at least not yet.
There were a few who confessed to liking me. But being so heartbroken...i became a tease. I was a heartbreaker...i know..it was wrong of me to do so... But in truth...i did nothing more to them then just being friendly and helpful like i do to everyone else. Maybe that's why i'm such a pushover.
Then...2 years later, he came into the picture.
It started out as casual dating to me. Never took it to heart for the first week or so. But time passed, and i knew i was falling deep for this guy. So i had to divert his attention. Tried every way to show my true self. I wasn't perfect, my hair smells at times...i have scars on my body...yet..he didn't care. He still treated me like he did when we first went out. I found my perfect man. Or did i?
Two and a half years later, my ex found out he had done me wrong. we both matured. Took responsibility. But love moved on. I am the girl he still dreams of every night, and he is the guy whom i see as nothing more than a friend. But why does it hurt...to see him in pain?
i still care for the guy who broke my heart and i know i don't "love" him anymore, cause i was thinking about us and i can't see it working out.
i've been told..."both treated you well. both loves you dearly. but who will stick with you till the end? who loves you more then getting pleasure in love? "
And then i realized...the guy who respected my wishes, who never once took advantage of me, who never even thought of doing such things with me till i was ready, who waited very patiently even though i was always late, always emotional, always a burden but never once did he complain...my ex.
And then my heart started swooning around. It made me feel insecure. Is the guy i'm going out with really loves me for me? Or am i just a toy to him? Though he might think it's love to him...would he be willing to stop all of the lust and pleasures for me without complaining? If i asked to wait a year, two years, three years...would he comply? I just don't wanna get hurt again. I'm starting to lose hope in love if i knew that the guy i love only wants me for show...or pleasure...and not for who i am...
Because i am nothing more than a girl
who is quiet, shy...
i don't talk much
i take forever to reply
i cry
i get sad
i get mad
i get happy
i try in life, i don't give up easily
when i get knocked down i stand back up
but except for love..in which i am really weak at...
yet when i'm just being me...the girl who cares, worries but takes decades to respond...does HE love me? or is waiting patiently too much for his time?
Is he willing to wait...
I want a guy...the guy i love... to love me for me...to be there for me...to understand me
So where do i fall into the three categories? I fall into none. I love for love. I do not love for the past. I love for faith. I do not love for hope. I love for trust. I do not love for pain. I love when i fall in love. I love because i care. I love because i want to be loved to. I love because i do not wanna be alone.
But still i wonder...what does he love in me?
They say that when you fall in love, it's hard to forget the person
Once you break up, you'd fall into one of the three categories:
1) You might find someone else completely different from your old lover
2) You might find someone else just like your old lover
3) You refuse to look at what's going wrong and keep getting back with your lover
For me...it took a while to find which of the categories i was in...
I'd like to tell a story.
Of course i had many crushes, they come and go
But as i grew up, i got more mature
I started to take things a bit more seriously
Here is the story.
In 5th grade i had a crush on a guy named Tony. He was sweet, funny and adorable. With his chubby cheeks and quirky personality. Others excluded him from the group, but i always took notice. Time passed by and i had to move. We never got a chance to say we liked each other.
Middle school came, and i had my eyes on a bad boy kinda type. The asian-wannabe type gangster. His name was also Tony. Being the shy that i am...i never confessed. Course, my bff had her eyes on him too...never knew till now though XD. Of course, being a cool guy he is...he liked another girl. So my chances was slim to none.
And then High school came. The time for new love, new pain, and bittersweet memories.
My first crush was my tutor. That was in 10th grade. He was funny and nerdy. Really nice guy. I finally got the guts to confess to him...only to get turned down (nicely though). But i was fine with it...or at least i thought i was...
A year after...i met a fob. My first impression of him...hard to say...it was a mix between motorcycle tough guy/ lost fisherman. Haha... and then...this is where the story got twisted... Me wanting to forget about my old tutor crush...and him wanting to forget his 1year love for my friend...got together. We didn't know each other's motives. Just wanted to past time and forget our old crushes. But time passed...and we grew to appreciate each other. I found him very funny and always giving his all. He came from a poor family, but never once did he complain about his hardships. I knew he was in pain so then...i lent him some strength. Someone he can cry on. Lean on. Depend on. He was fond of me, said i was really nice and always too caring for others. But soon...the guilt in his heart took over and had to call it quits...cause it was just gonna hurt the both of us. Course...the breakup was fine with me...but after that...it was painful. Our friendship (like he promised) broke apart. We saw each other as mere strangers.
Months later... i met HIM again. Him as in Tony. The first guy i liked, my first love. When we first laid eye contact with each other after so many years, it felt like time stopped. I was lost in a trance. Felt as if nothing has changed and i felt things i've never felt before. At first things were going smooth, i thought maybe just maybe ....this time i would confess to him. But before i did...he told me he moved on and found himself another girl. That's when my heart literally shattered into a million pieces.
So i made a promise to myself...I vowed to not fall so hard for the next guy i meet, and just use the time to enjoy life and not really take things seriously...at least not yet.
There were a few who confessed to liking me. But being so heartbroken...i became a tease. I was a heartbreaker...i know..it was wrong of me to do so... But in truth...i did nothing more to them then just being friendly and helpful like i do to everyone else. Maybe that's why i'm such a pushover.
Then...2 years later, he came into the picture.
It started out as casual dating to me. Never took it to heart for the first week or so. But time passed, and i knew i was falling deep for this guy. So i had to divert his attention. Tried every way to show my true self. I wasn't perfect, my hair smells at times...i have scars on my body...yet..he didn't care. He still treated me like he did when we first went out. I found my perfect man. Or did i?
Two and a half years later, my ex found out he had done me wrong. we both matured. Took responsibility. But love moved on. I am the girl he still dreams of every night, and he is the guy whom i see as nothing more than a friend. But why does it hurt...to see him in pain?
i still care for the guy who broke my heart and i know i don't "love" him anymore, cause i was thinking about us and i can't see it working out.
i've been told..."both treated you well. both loves you dearly. but who will stick with you till the end? who loves you more then getting pleasure in love? "
And then i realized...the guy who respected my wishes, who never once took advantage of me, who never even thought of doing such things with me till i was ready, who waited very patiently even though i was always late, always emotional, always a burden but never once did he complain...my ex.
And then my heart started swooning around. It made me feel insecure. Is the guy i'm going out with really loves me for me? Or am i just a toy to him? Though he might think it's love to him...would he be willing to stop all of the lust and pleasures for me without complaining? If i asked to wait a year, two years, three years...would he comply? I just don't wanna get hurt again. I'm starting to lose hope in love if i knew that the guy i love only wants me for show...or pleasure...and not for who i am...
Because i am nothing more than a girl
who is quiet, shy...
i don't talk much
i take forever to reply
i cry
i get sad
i get mad
i get happy
i try in life, i don't give up easily
when i get knocked down i stand back up
but except for love..in which i am really weak at...
yet when i'm just being me...the girl who cares, worries but takes decades to respond...does HE love me? or is waiting patiently too much for his time?
Is he willing to wait...
I want a guy...the guy i love... to love me for me...to be there for me...to understand me
So where do i fall into the three categories? I fall into none. I love for love. I do not love for the past. I love for faith. I do not love for hope. I love for trust. I do not love for pain. I love when i fall in love. I love because i care. I love because i want to be loved to. I love because i do not wanna be alone.
But still i wonder...what does he love in me?
Friday, May 20, 2011
only time will tell
Rather then love, then money, them fame or fortune...please give me the truth.
Repetition is the root of evil.
Repetition is the root of evil.
For a week i've managed to not give in and cry
Now that it started...i can't stop it from overflowing
These tears, of sadness and love
I miss him dearly
I see other couples on facebook and msn
Happy and together, no worries to hold
But here, he's 12 hours ahead of me
I miss him dearly
It seems so far, six weeks
Typing this and trying not to cry anymore
I can't...i can't...i'm trying not to...i can't
I keep his picture close to me
When i wake up, he'll be the first person for me to see
Though he's not here physically, still he remains in my heart
I miss you so bad
I wanna share the horizon with you
See the same sunset with you like we used to...
I can't stop the tears
Trying hard...but i can't
Only way for it to stop is when i cry myself to sleep
I miss you so bad
Now that it started...i can't stop it from overflowing
These tears, of sadness and love
I miss him dearly
I see other couples on facebook and msn
Happy and together, no worries to hold
But here, he's 12 hours ahead of me
I miss him dearly
It seems so far, six weeks
Typing this and trying not to cry anymore
I can't...i can't...i'm trying not to...i can't
I keep his picture close to me
When i wake up, he'll be the first person for me to see
Though he's not here physically, still he remains in my heart
I miss you so bad
I wanna share the horizon with you
See the same sunset with you like we used to...
I can't stop the tears
Trying hard...but i can't
Only way for it to stop is when i cry myself to sleep
I miss you so bad
Monday, May 16, 2011
I'm more or less afraid
It happened to him...
She couldn't take the silence anymore
I don't want the same thing happening to us
Please don't run out of words
I don't want it to reach an end here
They were distant and grew in silence
Though he loved her she couldn't take it
It feels like we're slowly walking into their shadows
Let's back out now, and into the light
I won't let it end
I'm TRYING to make it work
Please...help me
We're in this together, don't leave me hanging
It happened to him...
She couldn't take the silence anymore
I don't want the same thing happening to us
Please don't run out of words
I don't want it to reach an end here
They were distant and grew in silence
Though he loved her she couldn't take it
It feels like we're slowly walking into their shadows
Let's back out now, and into the light
I won't let it end
I'm TRYING to make it work
Please...help me
We're in this together, don't leave me hanging
I'm trying...trying
To make you smile
No matter what i do, i can't seem to do it
Though a part of me is hurting inside
Still i shall not let you fall down alone
I'm trying...trying
Please don't fall down
I'm here for you
With a net and a bait
I'll catch you and keep you safe
I'm trying...trying
Please don't fall
I'm here for you no matter what
Stay strong, that's all i can say
I'll be here all arms out
To reach and hold onto you
So please don't fall
I won't let you fall alone.
To make you smile
No matter what i do, i can't seem to do it
Though a part of me is hurting inside
Still i shall not let you fall down alone
I'm trying...trying
Please don't fall down
I'm here for you
With a net and a bait
I'll catch you and keep you safe
I'm trying...trying
Please don't fall
I'm here for you no matter what
Stay strong, that's all i can say
I'll be here all arms out
To reach and hold onto you
So please don't fall
I won't let you fall alone.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Ow...that hurts
Staying strong
Independent Girl
Hurt me hurt me
I shall not shed a tear
Got stabbed in the heart too many times
Now it's immune to your lies
I'm ready to go, lead me into the light
Staying strong
I'll become an independent girl
Waiting for affection
Waiting for an infection
Waiting to hear from you
Never got the chance
I'm staying strong
I'll be okay
Independent Girl
Hurt me hurt me
I shall not shed a tear
Got stabbed in the heart too many times
Now it's immune to your lies
I'm ready to go, lead me into the light
Staying strong
I'll become an independent girl
Waiting for affection
Waiting for an infection
Waiting to hear from you
Never got the chance
I'm staying strong
I'll be okay
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Hearing his voice in the distance
is all i can really do right now
these tears i shed
will not make him appear right next to me
sleeping in my bed
cold and lonely
i miss him dearly
no words out of my mouth
the pain's too much
taking extra courses to keep my mind off of him for the while
doing extra chores so i can keep myself busy
cause if i don't talk less now, i know it's gonna kill us both over the four dreaded months
yes, i miss him
his hugs, his voice, his laughs, his warmth...
i need his comfort
cause i'm totally lost right now
is all i can really do right now
these tears i shed
will not make him appear right next to me
sleeping in my bed
cold and lonely
i miss him dearly
no words out of my mouth
the pain's too much
taking extra courses to keep my mind off of him for the while
doing extra chores so i can keep myself busy
cause if i don't talk less now, i know it's gonna kill us both over the four dreaded months
yes, i miss him
his hugs, his voice, his laughs, his warmth...
i need his comfort
cause i'm totally lost right now
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)