the smiles, now faded
left with tears- not of joy
restless nights
speechless moments

There are times when i just wanna give up
And just move away from the problem...
But he's always there encouraging me to face life
Fight it and stay strong
He helps me through the way, just by talking
Knowing that i have him by my side...means so much to me

There are times when i just wanna collapse into epiphany
But i get reminded of him
Someone who will always be there for me no matter what...
And then suddenly...i feel at ease...
Even if it's for a little bit, it means a lot to me
I miss him...

Help.

I found a way to let you leave
I never really had it coming
I can't believe the sight of you
I want you to stay away from my heart

What i should be like:

What i really am:

What i shall become: 

Morning comes, the tears dried up, you'll see a solid footprint. 
You've got a friend. 
I'm glad to have met you. 
Today I've cried together, laughed together.
Tomorrow, I shall go far to embrace. 
Dreams took grip-fallen dreams.
I'm sure something will eventually surrender. 
Important things you can take each step.

If you want time, let me know
i'll understand...i told you many times before
but still you repeated the past...
didn't let me know what you wanted
made me wait outside in the cold for almost an hour...
the cut on my leg was already burning...add in the coldness and now it feels like someone is sanding my leg.

And then you come back like it was nothing big...
what the hell...
could of just texted me or something so i'd give you some time...and actually STAY in a warm place to wait for you...but there i was sitting in the cold...waiting for you...like i always do in the past

What you want...you always get...
I don't even know why i'm giving in to you each time...
This and that, you want you need. Okay, here it is. What else do you want?

I'll wait here for you, you know i always do. Man i sound like a dog haha...always trailing along and following people's orders. x_x

Burn out the Candle

Everything i touch, feels like it's burning away
The pain, fading away.
You brought me back to life, and then washed away my worries.
I just wish you can stay by my side forever.
My heart, pieces of scattered memories put as a whole again.
You hold it in your hands, to keep it from falling away~

Let's put the unthinkable into action
Light up the darkness
I know you said this is exactly how it's supposed to be
Drain away your worries and come spend the day with me
Maybe if we're lucky i can stay in your arms till dawn
I don't want to part away from you
Always wanted to be next to you
Never distant from each other.

I know you're reading this haha

so i just wanted to say I LOVE YOU 

I'm not ignoring you...

When i talk to you, you barely smile...i'm trying to make the most of it...but half the time you get hurt...
So he talked to me...
We only talked for a bit and for the rest of the time i responded to you
I don't know what else to do to make you happy
I try to revise and then talk to you later on
But you make it sound like i make no time for you...
I've been doing it for 6 months...
I don't know what else to make you happy...
I never asked you to waste your time on me. I chose to use my time on you.
on a side note...i stopped talking to him before i even skyped with you...and me not responding was cause you were supposed to sleep. Long ago...which you never ever do.
I'm sorry

Broken (Mend it Up)&(Reused)

Everyone has a different interpretation when they say their heart is broken. Whether its emotionally or physically. Mine is broken, my soul i mean. I don't have that long to stay here. But i like to make the most of it. I'll keep moving on, even if it's slowly killing me. But i need to move on. Time can't wait for me anymore. But it's alright, it was meant to be. Like deers and lions out in the wild. They must fight to survive. For me, i am fighting. I was fighting. But my willpower is overruled by fate.

They may think i'm unhappy. But for the past year, I AM happy. Maybe not on the outside much, but my soul is very happy. I am glad to have met such interesting people over the past few years. without them, i couldn't get to where i am right now. Thank you for that.

I might be a burden to some of you, but i hope you can forgive this silly girl for being so slow and a "baka" haha. I just wanted to all you downers out there, don't give up! Live life freely, and make the most of it. Because tomorrow might be the last day for you unexpectedly. So use it wisely~

Forgive me for all the pain i have caused to you, for all the things you had to endure. For me. Thank you. I am grateful for that. Some of you might have noticed that i've been trying to speed some things up. I want to make at least everyone whom i care deeply about as happy as i can make them. I know i might not (MIGHT) have that much time left, so i just want to make the most of it.~ I just want to enjoy every last moment of it with a smile on my heart and soul.

 I hope i can make more posts in the future ^^ So wait for my next one :)

Lastly, i just wanted to say live well, and don't forget to smile!~ ^o^

A Whole New World

It feels like i'm losing you. Like a car meter, you went from 0 to full on 180. What is going on...
I don't wanna see you hurt.

Change is good, for the better. But are you okay with it?
I ran out of words to speak. No feelings of remorse. Just let it be.
Friends turned to foe, enemies becoming friends.
It's all new to me.

Yes i'm crazy, but i didn't mean to drag you through this. Never.
I'd rather let the pain hurt me then bringing you down with me.
Forgive me when i say i won't be there in the future, but things should be left as it is for now.

They think i'm only sick with the flu. I want them to think like that. Because the truth will rot up inside if it is revealed.

I'll keep things as it is for now, but i don't wanna lose you.
I guess i should just let it be, because i don't know what to do anymore...i am lost once again. I get worried over the simplest things. When i see people hurting you, it boils my blood to want to do them harm.

I never wanted to drag you into this. Nor with anyone else.
This is why i choose to close up.
I'm a murderer (emotionally) but i'm also a saint (at times)

These are the things that i have to face each day.
Love & Death

On the brighter note, my parents are finally getting married for real.  I am happy for them. ( i hope i get to see my mom with a vail on ;o)
They're getting married this month (yeye) And that means...i need to think of a good restaurant just for the two of them...and their honeymoon (?) Ok..i seriously need to stay over at someone else's house if this is the case >.>

Another good news? Parents wanna go to VN and HK this summer~ that means i get to see my grandmas and aunts and cousins and nieces!~~ ^^ Bad news: I'm more worried about my cousin who is currently in the hospital ;( i hope he is doing well... >_<

I'm glad the guy i love is changing for the better, it makes me really happy ^^ I also hope i'm not losing my BFF and SISTER because she means a lot to me...i never wanted to cause her stress but because of me and him, she's like x_x  :( And it makes me all @____ @ because she took it on her poor kind loving family and made her all stressed, confused, hurt... ;(

I've tried talking to my sister about my..situation....but i was never good at explaining...and i think i might just made it worst x_x....but i don't wanna worry her at the same time i can't keep it away from her ;(    (maybe that's why i've been so stressed out and bleh for 3 months???) I don't have the heart to tell it :( i don't want to bring people into MY situation. PERIOD. Period...haha...blood... x_x blood..OMG i hate it. Well i love blood ( not like vampire loving blood) but i love it as in i love having blood in my system...not losing it ... x_x

What the heck am i even saying .___.