Was it just a dream...

I was feeling fine yesterday...i did...really

But something felt weird after that...

2:40 am- I woke up...my chest feels funny...odd..it shouldn't ...i took my meds...

3:10 am- it hurts...why is it hurting...it's hurting so much...why...

4:10 am- i can't sleep...it's too much...lucky...where are you...i want to hug you...

5:00 am- i can't take it anymore...where's daddy...i need to find him..i need help...i need........

6:10 am (says a stranger's voice) - "miss, are you okay? Can you hear me???" what...who are you...why are you here...i hear sirens...why...

8:12 am - where am i...what room am i in...i see an IV stuck in my hand...is that a nurse i see...? Oh i see someone else next to me...hello there...your name is Charles? Nice to meet you Charles...i'm Olivia...i don't know why i'm here...Oh there's the doctor.

9:24 am - Doctor, why am i here...why...is that daddy talking to you over by the corner...what is he saying...

9:31 am - What...i need to stay here longer? No.No.NO...please no...let me go home..i want to talk to him...i promised....please no...

9:40 am - Mashed potatoes and soup? No thank you...i'll eat at home...this feels like 4 years ago when i went to get my tonsils removed...same hospital feeling...hahaha...

10:00 am - yes..i can go home...thank you doctor...don't worry, i'll be fine...you promised...

10:06 am -oh look a wheelchair...can i take a ride on that daddy? haha..it looks so fun....i can finally talk to you now 

No such thing as being bored

There's no excuse to be bored. 
Sad, yes. 
Angry, yes. 
Depressed, yes. 
Crazy, yes. 
But there's no excuse for boredom, ever.

i am really bored...LOL

It's true.

Love is like a beautiful disaster
where pain would be the ugly truth
and the magic in it would just be an illusion

:)

I miss you at the most random times. 
Your face just pops in my head & I wonder 
if you miss me too 

Don't

Just don't give up I'm workin it out  Please don't give in, I won't let you down  It messed me up, need a second to breathe  Just keep coming around  ~

Hoot

I’m scarred by your words soaked in poison
I gave you a second chance
You’re definitely trouble, trouble, trouble
You waited for the right time
You shoot, shoot, shoot
I hoot, hoot, hoot ~SNSD

Just like a fairytale (only better)

I only see it in a movie or a drama
Never in reality
I thought that something like this can only happen in my dreams
Didn't know it can happen to me 
You...why are you so perfect?
You're like everything a girl can ask for
Who knew that i'd meet someone like you...
All it took was an average of 84 and 1.5 hours of a bus ride to school just to find you...
You...such an honest and caring person
I really don't know what i'd do without you...
I'd probably keep dreaming about my charming prince
And wish that one day he'll exist...or a part of him at least
I guess happy endings do exist ^^
I got a little more than i have expected
You... why do you make me fall so hard for you...
Never have i cried so much for someone like you
Nor smiled or be this happy when around you
You make me weak in the knees & hard to talk at times
Make me slur up my words...and even stutter & stumble sometimes...
Honey, you got my mind going crazy for you
I keep thinking about you, day and night
When i eat, when i sleep, even when i watch tv...

Always on my mind...24/7
It's like i can't live without you now...you're my air...can't live without you.


I love you.

So i did my g1 test

and the guy was like "i'm sorry but you need to do it again"
i paid the man $10.00 bucks....
did the test again
another lady said "honey you failed again"
turns out..the guy was wrong and my answers were right ;o
wasted 4 hours + 10 dollars only to find out i could of gotten my g1 already ;__:

sighs~
oh wells
at least i can now (almost learn to) drive ^^
&&&!!! i found out...my two old besties have been in the same HIGH SCHOOL with me ;o 
COOL <3

Wavering

I braced myself for the goodbye
Because that's all I've ever known
But you took me by surprise
You said "I'll never leave you alone"
You said...

Now i'm holding on
Make it last
Holding on
Never turn back

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

I'm holding on
Can you believe it
We've made it this far

I'm scared

I'm scared
you'll leave one day and not turn back
I'm scared
of the past
I'm scared
when you say goodbye and not come back the next day
I'm scared
so i keep quiet
I'm scared
if i don't end up talking i might lose you
I'm scared
of not being able to wake up from my dreams
because i'd like to think it's somehow a reality
that good things can happen in this life

Honey i'm scared
so i end up hurting alone
because sometimes it's better to hurt alone than to drag someone down with you

Honey i'm scared, and i don't know what to do...

Empty

Easy come, easy go
feels like i'm burning up inside...
take it take it take it all
i'm sick and tired of those lies


Always treating me like i'm for show
with the truth you always hide
i can't keep up, i'm about to fall
hiding out in the darkness, with my pain i cry


No more no more no more
please you gotta stop it
i can't take it anymore
keep going and i'll be all out of control


I'm living in a nightmare, with all it's blood and gore
i'm not keeping up with this one bit
say one more word and i'll be out the door
leaving it all and into a dark black hole

You Lose.

When i first met you, i thought you were a pretty decent guy
well mannered, kind, and caring. You seemed like the type who was loyal and even told me first hand that you were in a relationship.

But days turns into weeks, and i started to find out your true nature...
You turned your back to your own best friend, and treated him no more than a stranger...
You've lied to me, fooled me, and took advantage of me.
And all this time i thought you were kind...
I saw you as an elder brother but you didn't see the same...
Now looking back into the past, i am sad to say that i am also the one to be blamed...
I should of spent my time elsewhere...never should of went to you for help and comfort.
Should of seen that you were playing games with my mind...and hiding it all behind your girl's back...

I knew something was up when you kept trying to talk trash about him...and saying how he didn't deserve me...
How could you...your own best friend...
and why....risking your friendship and love just for what...me?

You should of just stayed with what you have...and not gamble it all away... you know i'd never fall for someone like you. You have a girlfriend. And your best friend is in love with me. I feel the same... you should of realized it when i kept asking if he was single...

Now you're about to lose big time...you lost your best friend...
you lost my trust in you...
and you're about to lose a girlfriend who cares deeply for you but you're too greedy and demanding to even notice that what you had was already good enough...

The long wait...

LEGEND: The days that aren't crossed out = i was most happy/will be happy

saturday - i was happy to get to spend time with you on friday
sunday- tried waking you up and we talked  for a while
monday - i get to see you in person
tuesday - i tried not to think about the rest of the week knowing i won't get to see you for a while...
wednesday- i try to think of something to help you get less bored
thursday- i try to talk to you but word's got stuck in my head... and i didn't know how to respond to you
friday- i got lovesick from not seeing you in a while
saturday- i got sick from stressing about it
sunday- i went out to take a break from missing you too much
monday- i did the same... cause i know if i stay home and talk to you, the wait of seeing you will just kill me more...
tuesday - 
wednesday-
thursday-
friday-
saturday-
sunday-
monday- i thought this day would never come...
>.>
<.<
>.>
<.<
i miss you...

Nauseated

You make me wanna gag...
it kills my ears when i hear those girls who don't even know your true nature saying 
"its hard to find guys like you these days" & "you're such a nice guy with good manners"
easy....just look around the corners of Finch or an alleyway...
i'm sure there are creeps and jerks out there just like you...
please...just be gone.

It's my life, my way.

~When it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I'm already better than them.~ M.M

I feel so fly~ like a ....GIRAFFE

YEahhhh Far East Moment's song G6 just got replaced with this funky cool giraffe!~ ^^


I'm feeling so fly like a giraffe
with them necks up so high
swingin them round and about
like a giraffe, like a like a GIRAFFE
here we go-here we go- stomping around now
hitting the club (club) with our extended lashes
moving our sexay ears
up and about now...
<3 Helllll yeahhhhh~~~


//////ok i'm too lazy to finish the song so...byebye for now ^^/////

Disturbed and Scarred x_X

Why didn't you get a house with sound proof walls if you're gonna talk this loud ...
The last thing i'd wanna hear are your arguments and when you're banging each other....

Thank you for ruining my peace and quiet ;_; but i really don't wanna know how many times you do it...tyvm.....T_T

Risky Love

I took a shot at love
Risked it all with my heart
Knowing that if he finds out
it'll be the end for the both of us.


But i'm willing to take that chance
Just to be with you
My emotions started to take over
Gone too far to turn back now.


Betting it all in...
Feels like i'm gambling on love
Just don't tell me the odds
Cause i'm letting fate decide for me


You're so addicting
Very hard to resist...
I need to stop, but i can't.
I love you way too much to even let you go.

Timeless

On a fight against time,
Breathe in the moment before it slips away.
The hands keep on moving,
Travelling onto another day.

I can’t stop the seconds,
And anything could change.
It’s been a little while,
And yet it feels so strange.

So I remember the good moments,
Close my eyes and think back
I try to hold onto the feeling,
I had before it went all black.

But I lost it somewhere,
It hid itself down deep.
And so the agony takes over,
And tears of pain came running.

I could say it’s unfair,
But not one said life was fair.
I’m broken deep inside,
And my hands are so cold.

I can’t see where I’m going,
Sometimes a rush of reality breaks through.
I can’t get away,
Away from all this pain and suffer.

I follow a certain pattern,
Walk in the shadow of yesterday,
And hide in the future’s corners.
I’m not ready to let go yet,
So I let my thoughts go off course.

And I wonder what happened,
How it turns out like this.
I’ll just stop living,
And you’ll be still holding on.


A poem i once wrote a while back, to remind me of what i have before it all disappears.
I'm starting to have that feeling again, but i dunno if its a good or a bad thing o.o

Thank you for all the pain and tears...

So you said you wouldn't ever hurt a girl.
Nor would you wanna make her cry.
Cause you find it de-meaningful...
But it's kinda ironic, cause you've done all of that.
Though it wasn't physical, you've managed to cut through my heart with your words and lies...
I hated that. I hate how you couldn't man up and tell it directly to my face. You think that just because i'm a girl i'll break down and cry. You were the one who was scared...not me
You didn't "love" me anymore but you didn't have the heart to tell me...instead i had to find it from someone else.
Thanks...let's give you a round of applause now...
But it's alright, i've moved on. Found someone much better than you. Unlike you, he understands me...and never lets me go when i needed it the most...
It's hard to find someone like him you know...someone who'll be honest with you, talks to you when something's troubling them, and always telling you they love you. And they mean it.

I'm glad to meet such an awesome guy like him...i really don't know how i'll turn out without him. He's everything to me now. He helped me realized that i can find love again (stronger this time), and have a lil faith in myself. He makes me feel like i'm an amazing person. A better person. You never did that...you never showed me any kind of feelings that you "cared" to me. Never.

And here you are, asking if we can hang out again like the old times. As if nothing had ever happened between us. Like it was some kinda nightmare for you to wake up from and act like nothing was wrong...

Well here's the thing. I'm not going back through all of that again, nor do i want to. I'm happy with just where i am now. And i don't wanna change it. So i'm sorry, but now...you're gonna have to move on.

Sorry to break it to you, but i don't wanna be your "girl-weirdo" anymore, but thank you for having such a careless nature, and good bye "boy-bothering"...

What i feel

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be. This goes the same with a person...

Oh Lookie My First Blog~

Hello~ fello peeps ^^ Strawberrie here!
Wow haha...now i don't have to write in my diary ;o...
yeah...first blog will be short....like this.. XD